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“Chocolate,” begins one ode to the tasty treat. “From the days of the Aztecs and Mayans it’s been considered an aphrodisiac, and it undoubtedly remains the sexiest, most sensual food out there.”

So much so that this entire month has been dedicated to it …

… beginning with Chocolate Day three weeks ago …

… and culminating in today’s Milk Chocolate celebration!

Made from cacao seeds, the delicacy can be traced back to the 5th Century, from which a Mayan tomb has been unearthed with a glyph for cacao and residue of a chocolate drink. The name likely derives from the Mayan word chokol, meaning hot…and the Aztec atl, meaning water. Vessels of this hot chocolate drink were sacred, and used in rituals such as marriage and sacrifices to the Gods. {Hence its apt nickname, "Food of the Gods."}

Yet it soon developed a sexual, rather than spiritual significance: “We have all heard of the supposed aphrodisiac effect of chocolate,” reports Psychology Today. “The Aztec emperor Montezuma is reputed to have used chocolate in a manner akin to today’s Viagra pill. Undoubtedly, the postulated link between sex and chocolate is one of the reasons why it has become so intimately linked to Valentine’s Day”—with Belgian treats in the form of teats being sold…alongside entire chocolate nudes to nibble on.

And it’s good for you too! A recent study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine concludes that: “Eating chocolate leads to higher levels of desire, arousal and sexual satisfaction. Female participants who consumed at least one cube of chocolate a day experienced more active libidos and better overall sexual function than those who didn’t indulge.” The study was anonymous, but we’d guess the subject on the right was in the more aroused test group!

One explanation offered is that “some of the chemicals it contains, such as theobromine and phenylethylamine, which reaches peak levels during orgasm, are thought to be responsible for the food’s potency. Of course, there is also the fact that chocolate is not only delicious, but easily melts into a warm substance that reminds us on a primitive level of the sexy heat and texture of vaginal lubrication and ejaculation.”

No wonder eHarmony.com reported that “at least five studies, sponsored by companies in 2006-7, asked women if they preferred eating chocolate to having sex. Three of these found chocolate to be the winner, with between 40% and 70% of women preferring chocolate to sex. Of the other two, one (sponsored by a condom company) found that women prefer sex, while the other found that women would rather have some toast.”

At least the shape is similar.

These findings have prompted numerous lists as to “Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex,” with some of our favorite reasons being: “You can GET chocolate … Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft … If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind … and ‘If you love me you’ll swallow that’ has real meaning with chocolate.”

Indeed, fellatio seems to ‘Taste Great’ and be “Less Filling’ when enhanced by a Nutty Buddy. “Nothing puts more energy into a blow job than when your somebody is literally trying to eat you out or suck you down,” reads a racy article entitled 8 Sexy Things to Do with Chocolate.” And there’s nothing subtle about these “shots” depicting the practice!

The “money shot” appears to be a Powerhouse

… which makes for a very ‘Happy Ending” {an actual ad for Axe body spray}.

“With men,” advises the article, “as long as you steer clear of his tiny hole up top, covering his shaft and scrotum with chocolate and sucking it off will be a more than pleasurable experience for the both of you …

… “and he may very well add some ‘white cream filling’ to your dark delight.”

Though a recent meme shows the difference in the sexes regarding the Milky Way:

So perhaps the “Hershey Highway” (below left) is the way to go for mutual satisfaction … as the 8 Sexy Things guide suggests: “Every partner has different sensitive spots on his/her body, and capitalizing on this is a definite yes. If you’ve been working yourself up to licking out your partner’s cute little bum hole, chocolate may be a happy aid.”

Which explains the 2015 launch of Edible Anus (above right)—“a replica human asshole made of pure Belgian chocolate” {hold the Snickers please!}being marketed worldwide by London artist Magnus Irvin. “After failing at attempts to make a mold from his own anus,” an article at Munchies.com explains, “Irvin enlisted the help of a young English woman he met at a bus stop, who obligingly let him cast hers.”

We can only ass•ume it wasn’t singer Marianne Faithfull !

“So if you’re looking for a new, sexy experience,” the arousing article concludes, “consider using chocolate. Just provide a bed … {a chocolate bed would do nicely}

… and see where it goes. Remember, sex is about playing and having fun—and what’s more fun than chocolate?” Perhaps a Cacao Kama Sutra

Now that we’ve whet your appetite, here is Sleuth’s Decadent Dozen dedicated to Chocolate Day…and Month!

DEELISHIS

Born Chandra Davis in Detroit, her ‘Rumpshaker’ resulted in her winning VH1’s reality show Flavor of Love

DOROTHY FLOOD

Model and actress who became the face of the famous Whitman’s Sampler chocolate boxes in the late 1920s, she’d formerly been a full-figured {nearly full-frontal} Ziegfeld Girl

MAITLAND WARD

At the launch of her own signature chocolate bar in 2015—with her portrait on every wrapper—the Boy Meets World hottie offers a KitKat worth biting beneath body paint

KAREN FINLEY

Performance artist infamous as one of the “NEA Four”—whose grant from the National Endowment for the Arts was vetoed in 1990 by Sen. Jesse Helms as “indecent”

MILEY CYRUS

Licking the ‘chocolate anus’ and ball sac of boyfriend Liam Hemsworth’s birthday cake, she later smeared Hershey’s all over her face and form

JESSE CAPELLI

Jennifer Leone from Vancouver got mainstream movie roles in Van Wilder and Not Another Teen Movie before signing an exclusive 3-year contract with Perfect 10 magazine

MELANIE SYKES

British TV hostess of Let’s Do Lunch, she has her own line of underwear and lingerie—neither of which she wore beneath her sexy, succulent sauce

NICKI MINAJ

The racy rapper’s chocolate drop nipple preceded her chocolate drop tipple… and her hit duet with Eric Benet entitled Chocolate Legs: “When you wrap them chocolate legs around me,” he sings, “The memory of my day will quickly just fade away”

PADMA LAKSHMI

The Indian-born host’s ad for Top Chef asks: “Who Wants to Lick the Spoon?” We can think of two better choices!

NEGAR KHAN

The Iranian-born Bollywood actress was deported from India in 2005 for furnishing false documents to obtain her work visa—though some suspect her “rubbing chocolate syrup on her nude body” was the real reason. Asked in 2014 if she prefers “good sex or a good workout,” the miscreant Muslim mused: “Both.”

NEXT DOOR NIKKI

Christina Kuehner from Naperville, Illinois became famous exposing her 34DD breasts on the Jerry Springer Show in 2006… then curiously became a ‘non-nude’ Internet model known for never going topless!

Kinda gives new meaning to the name ‘Mounds Bar’

HEIDI KLUM

Expecting her fourth child in 2009, the America’s Got Talent judge says she “yearned for chocolate” during her pregnant cravings, so she poured some all over herself after finishing a photo shoot. After 13 years as a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, the Project Runway hostess says her catwalk career has come to an END.

Guess we should follow (birthday) suit …