Stand-up comic and Man Show host Doug Stanhope is funny. He's both "ha-ha" funny and "Does this milk smell funny" funny. Stanhope has been a ubiquitous media presence in recent years, racking up numerous TV appearances and sitting in regularly with Howard Stern (and producing reliably hilarious results). But those who seek uproarious, savagely insightful comedy at its most unfiltered are advised to catch Stanhope live, where he hurls his wit like Molotov cocktails and someone always gets hurt - usually in the funnybone.
The Man Show's new season premieres on Comedy Central, Sunday, May 2 at 10pm Eastern/Pacific time. In the meantime, you can enjoy the potent combination of Stanhope and scantily clad hopefuls all lifting their tops and flashing their finery on a recent Girls Gone Wild video he directed. It's out now, just like all those young, drunk cuties' beauties.
If you can't wait then read on and suck at the teat of tomfoolery by a man named one of the "Top Ten Comics to Watch" by Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. And be sure to visit Stanhope's site, www.dougstanhope.com, or check out his Word of Mouth DVD for the unedited dispatches of a maddeningly funny, maniacally on-target mischief-maker.
First, the important stuff: what's the first nude scene you ever saw?
Christ, who can remember? I know the first R-rated movie I saw was Network and it may have had a nude scene but I certainly don't remember the film as being yankable. The first porn I ever saw was some old black-and-white reel-to-reel shit that Bobby Chene found in his Dad's shit in the basement. We all watched it -- we were probably 15 or so -- and none of us would go to the bathroom for fear of being accused of yanking off. Bobby blew his head off with a shotgun 10 years ago or so. I don't know if the incidents are related.
Have you ever gotten interactive with one of those scenes?
Are you asking me if I ever jacked to nudity?
Of course. What's you're most embarrassing masturbation story come on, 'fess up!
It's too long to say here, but I tell it on my Word of Mouth DVD. It involves a Rubber Fuck-My-Face, a vibrating egg and a small dollop of poop.
Who are your top five actresses and, which of their movie sex scenes gets you hot?
I don't watch that many movies and the ones I watch, I forget immediately afterwards. My brain is like a windy airplane hanger. But lemme think.
That chick from The Fifth Element is maybe the hottest chick ever in a flick. Who knows what her name is. [Ed: We do! That would be Milla Jovovich, and yes, she's smokin'!]
OK, that's all I could come up with. Movie sex scenes annoy me. If I wanna see fucking, I watch porn. I'm jaded that way.
Oh, wait. Elisabeth Shue is hot. Her bleeding from the ass in the shower in Leaving Las Vegas was hot. So there's two.
Is there a particular type of actress that tightens your pants or a sex scene that drives you bonkers?
One that's getting fucked in the ass. There's one chick that's kinda old now but is still hot. Linda Fiorentino, I think. And Sigourney Weaver used to be hot. Jaimie Lee Curtis used to be hot. You know, kinda mean chicks. I like that.
Has there ever been a sex scene that crossed the line from titillation over to nauseating?
Again, you're asking the wrong guy. I had a German shit-flick once that made my buddy Andy Andrist vomit but it just made me laugh. I can't see any regular sex scene making me cringe. But anytime I see a guys tongue come out of his mouth when he'd making out with a chick I want to tear it out with pliers. Thats fucking gross.
Speaking of gross, when are you going onscreen in nothing but a smile?
I've been on stage naked a few times but it's nothing you'd really want to see. A life like this makes for good stories, but it doesn't keep you in a decent physical shape. Quite the opposite. Plus, my balls hang really low. I should donate some of that skin to burn victims. Could make a nice set of new eyelids for some Shriner's kid.
Let's change the subject. You've gotten to be a director of sorts hosting your own Girls Gone Wild video. What's it like being around young, gorgeous and drunk girls who just want to show you their tits?
Man, I hate to ruin the illusion but it's annoying as fuck. The all get on the bus or loom around the camera saying they won't show their tits and they just want you to talk 'em into it so they don't feel like whores. It goes like this: "Show your tits." "No fucking way." "Show your tits." "No way." "Show your tits." "No." "Show your tits" "I can't believe I'm doing this."
And then they show their tits. This can take 20 minutes. I wish 40-year-old chicks had the best tits because then you wouldn't have to play the game.
What didn't get to the final cut?
Unfortunately, a lot of the chicks I thought were hot got cut. Joe Francis [the creator of Girls Gone Wild] likes the ?-Aryan, 18-year-old ASU blonde type. I like the dirty, tattooed and pierced whorish types. And most of those got cut.
Sad. Well, onto The Man Show. Where can we see the Juggies (Picture: ) naked?
Vanessa has some nudes floating around the Internet. They are posted somewhere on my message board. Nothing special. If I were going to plant a secret toilet-cam in the Juggie's dressing room, it would be in Kathy's shitter for sure.
Reading your Web site can be like sticking your head out the window of a car going way over the speed limit, you love to rant and roll, so what's your take on the current wave of puritanism that seems to be cropping up these days?
I think it's good when something that ridiculous causes a shit storm like this. It should start a major backlash. People in this country need to really have their noses smeared in it before they fight back. Look at the turn Stern has made to get Bush out of office. It could make a huge difference. And it all started with a black tittie.
You're always great on the air with our hero, Howard Stern. Do you have any stories about the wild times we don't hear about?
Not really. The guys are the coolest guys in radio but it's pretty much all business. I was never on when they had seriously crazy shit on, either. I never got to meet BeetleJuice or Hank the Dwarf. Never was there for any of the serious porno chicks either.
You're a funny guy; you know humor. So can a naked lady ever be funny?
Only if she's elderly. Then the humor is inherent.
You must be a fan of Mr. Skin, do you "use" the site much?
Sure -- as soon as you give me a password.
What's coming up next for you?
I am going to sit here and wait for a fucking password from you. Other than that, shitloads of road work. Live comedy is the only true freedom of speech left in this country.
[Editor's note: we gave Doug a password.]
All photos by Will Blochinger
The Man Show's new season premieres on Comedy Central, Sunday, May 2 at 10pm Eastern/Pacific time. In the meantime, you can enjoy the potent combination of Stanhope and scantily clad hopefuls all lifting their tops and flashing their finery on a recent Girls Gone Wild video he directed. It's out now, just like all those young, drunk cuties' beauties.
If you can't wait then read on and suck at the teat of tomfoolery by a man named one of the "Top Ten Comics to Watch" by Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. And be sure to visit Stanhope's site, www.dougstanhope.com, or check out his Word of Mouth DVD for the unedited dispatches of a maddeningly funny, maniacally on-target mischief-maker.
First, the important stuff: what's the first nude scene you ever saw?
Christ, who can remember? I know the first R-rated movie I saw was Network and it may have had a nude scene but I certainly don't remember the film as being yankable. The first porn I ever saw was some old black-and-white reel-to-reel shit that Bobby Chene found in his Dad's shit in the basement. We all watched it -- we were probably 15 or so -- and none of us would go to the bathroom for fear of being accused of yanking off. Bobby blew his head off with a shotgun 10 years ago or so. I don't know if the incidents are related.
Have you ever gotten interactive with one of those scenes?
Are you asking me if I ever jacked to nudity?
Of course. What's you're most embarrassing masturbation story come on, 'fess up!
It's too long to say here, but I tell it on my Word of Mouth DVD. It involves a Rubber Fuck-My-Face, a vibrating egg and a small dollop of poop.
Who are your top five actresses and, which of their movie sex scenes gets you hot?
I don't watch that many movies and the ones I watch, I forget immediately afterwards. My brain is like a windy airplane hanger. But lemme think.
That chick from The Fifth Element is maybe the hottest chick ever in a flick. Who knows what her name is. [Ed: We do! That would be Milla Jovovich, and yes, she's smokin'!]
OK, that's all I could come up with. Movie sex scenes annoy me. If I wanna see fucking, I watch porn. I'm jaded that way.
Oh, wait. Elisabeth Shue is hot. Her bleeding from the ass in the shower in Leaving Las Vegas was hot. So there's two.
Is there a particular type of actress that tightens your pants or a sex scene that drives you bonkers?
One that's getting fucked in the ass. There's one chick that's kinda old now but is still hot. Linda Fiorentino, I think. And Sigourney Weaver used to be hot. Jaimie Lee Curtis used to be hot. You know, kinda mean chicks. I like that.
Has there ever been a sex scene that crossed the line from titillation over to nauseating?
Again, you're asking the wrong guy. I had a German shit-flick once that made my buddy Andy Andrist vomit but it just made me laugh. I can't see any regular sex scene making me cringe. But anytime I see a guys tongue come out of his mouth when he'd making out with a chick I want to tear it out with pliers. Thats fucking gross.
Speaking of gross, when are you going onscreen in nothing but a smile?
I've been on stage naked a few times but it's nothing you'd really want to see. A life like this makes for good stories, but it doesn't keep you in a decent physical shape. Quite the opposite. Plus, my balls hang really low. I should donate some of that skin to burn victims. Could make a nice set of new eyelids for some Shriner's kid.
Let's change the subject. You've gotten to be a director of sorts hosting your own Girls Gone Wild video. What's it like being around young, gorgeous and drunk girls who just want to show you their tits?
Man, I hate to ruin the illusion but it's annoying as fuck. The all get on the bus or loom around the camera saying they won't show their tits and they just want you to talk 'em into it so they don't feel like whores. It goes like this: "Show your tits." "No fucking way." "Show your tits." "No way." "Show your tits." "No." "Show your tits" "I can't believe I'm doing this."
And then they show their tits. This can take 20 minutes. I wish 40-year-old chicks had the best tits because then you wouldn't have to play the game.
What didn't get to the final cut?
Unfortunately, a lot of the chicks I thought were hot got cut. Joe Francis [the creator of Girls Gone Wild] likes the ?-Aryan, 18-year-old ASU blonde type. I like the dirty, tattooed and pierced whorish types. And most of those got cut.
Sad. Well, onto The Man Show. Where can we see the Juggies (Picture: ) naked?
Vanessa has some nudes floating around the Internet. They are posted somewhere on my message board. Nothing special. If I were going to plant a secret toilet-cam in the Juggie's dressing room, it would be in Kathy's shitter for sure.
Reading your Web site can be like sticking your head out the window of a car going way over the speed limit, you love to rant and roll, so what's your take on the current wave of puritanism that seems to be cropping up these days?
I think it's good when something that ridiculous causes a shit storm like this. It should start a major backlash. People in this country need to really have their noses smeared in it before they fight back. Look at the turn Stern has made to get Bush out of office. It could make a huge difference. And it all started with a black tittie.
You're always great on the air with our hero, Howard Stern. Do you have any stories about the wild times we don't hear about?
Not really. The guys are the coolest guys in radio but it's pretty much all business. I was never on when they had seriously crazy shit on, either. I never got to meet BeetleJuice or Hank the Dwarf. Never was there for any of the serious porno chicks either.
You're a funny guy; you know humor. So can a naked lady ever be funny?
Only if she's elderly. Then the humor is inherent.
You must be a fan of Mr. Skin, do you "use" the site much?
Sure -- as soon as you give me a password.
What's coming up next for you?
I am going to sit here and wait for a fucking password from you. Other than that, shitloads of road work. Live comedy is the only true freedom of speech left in this country.
[Editor's note: we gave Doug a password.]
All photos by Will Blochinger
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DougStanhope.com |
Word of Mouth |
