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Our observance of National Cheerleading Safety Month continues …
… but, as we’ll find out, who can save them from themselves?!
“She symbolizes youthful prestige and wholesome attractiveness,” observes the book Cheerleader: AnAmerican Icon, “as well as mindless enthusiasm, objectified sexuality and promiscuous availability.” {And the problem is?}
“You’d really be surprised,” sighs Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader choreographer and coordinator Suzanne Mitchell, “just how many people think I am some kind of madam procuring these girls for all sorts of sexual things.”
Who would ever think that … in an organization headed by married-for-54-years owner Jerry Jones?
The third woman in this hotel room encounter took the photos … and testified that Jones “made her watch as he received oral sex from [this brunette]—then “kissed her, touched her butt and breasts, and forcibly grabbed her genitals.” Probably just ‘locker room talk.’
“Most NFL clubs have regulations prohibiting fraternization {meaning another f-word} between cheerleaders and players,” notes the book Go! Fight! Win! “The cheerleaders are to be sexually alluring in the abstract, but not in actuality. They are particularly not to be seen as distractions to the players. Dallas strictly prohibited ‘dating’ between its famous cheerleaders and Cowboys players.”
At least publicly: Defensive tackle Kevin Brooks and punter Toby Gowin both married Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders … and Sleuth uncovered these candids of star quarterback Danny Whitemaking out with a DCC and all-time leading rusher Emmitt Smithcuddling with squad leader Melissa Rycroft—who later gained fame by winning The Bachelor and finishing third on Dancing with the Stars.
Shouldn’t that latter move be flagged for ‘Illegal Glands to the Face’?
Says one former Cowboys cheerleader who wishes to remain anonymous: “I think in theory it’s to protect the girls—fraternizing is off limits so it is clear they aren’t being ‘taken advantage of’ by players, coaches and sponsors. Sadly, there are still plenty of people who think pro football cheerleaders are paid escorts or hookers.”
Reportedly one was! “I am in possession of risqué pictures of a current Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader,” read an email to the sports site Deadspin in June 2011. “I also have emails from this cheerleader responding to ads on Craigslist for sex parties (below left). In the pictures, she is not completely naked, but does expose her butt.
“Do you like toys?,” the Cowboys cheerleader writes in one of the messages. “I have an amazing vibrator that we can play with too! I’m a little on the petite side, so I might need a little stretching out ;-)
“I normally don’t do this kind of stuff,” she adds, “but I’ve been feeling frisky and experimental lately.”
Sounds like a neutral zone infraction to us …
“From management’s point of view,” explains Go! Fight! Win!, “the downside of cheerleading groups’ and individuals' popularity and celebrity is the potential for scandal and negative publicity.”
In extreme cases, this ‘Unsportsmanlike Conduct’ can wind up costing the team ‘the whole nine yards’—instead of just 15. Remember the fallout from ‘The Heidi Game’?
“Most pro teams regulate cheerleaders’ behavior,” the landmark study continues, “and react strongly when individuals flout regulations and embarrass the parent organization.”
So let’s examine the five most egregious examples of encroachment by NFL cheerleaders on their sacred sport!
“Every NFL cheer team has to fight the widespread belief that they are some sort of harem for the football team,” a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader confided in March 2016. “However, in the case of the DCC, the no fraternization rule is also part of the legend. Our mystique/appeal is based on the premise of being sexually enticing, yet unavailable. They’ve been selling that since day one, back in nineteen seventy-whatever. Make the fellas want it, and then don’t give it to ’em is practically the DCC raison d’être.”
And a rationale adopted by all the teams that followed in their bootsteps. The 3-page rule book handed out to every Seattle Sea Gal, for instance, prohibits the cheerleaders from “fraternization, dating, marrying or cohabitating with current Seahawks employees, including the team’s mascot.” Who is one horny bird!
Denver has a similar stricture about mascots in its cheerleader by-laws … even though we hear he’s “hung like a horse”:
Can’t say the same for tight end Chris Cooley—formerly of Sleuth’s hometown Washington Redskins—who infamously posted a “dick pic” on his popular blog in September 2008 while studying his playbook {in the nude?} for an upcoming game (against the Saints yet)!
Chris apologized for his unintended exposure and ball was forgiven …
... but Christy wasn’t so lucky. Despite the fact that the player was “banging two team cheerleaders at the same time,” it was the rooters who had to retire, not the one doing the ‘rooting.’
“Of course there is the double standard aspect of the fraternization rule,” admits the official Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Blog, “—cheerleaders who break the rule are immediately dismissed while the guilty player is not punished. However, this has not stopped some of the cheerleaders.”
Such as “comely” Christy … whom Cooley first glimpsed when “she posed naked for Maxim magazine,” in the words of Washingtonian magazine, “with only a strategically placed football” covering her bare crotch.
“He met Christy when another Redskinette he was dating brought her along to his house one summer night,” the magazine profile continued. “She walked in ‘like she had climbed out of a poster in my high-school bedroom (below left),’ Cooler later wrote on his blog. She was ‘dressed to make men panic.’ Before their wedding in 2008, Cooley penned a valentine to her and posted snapshots of her topless at the house—in front of the stone façade in the wine cellar—arms demurely covering her bare breasts.”
He also posted a pic of his still cheerleader lover waiting for him in bed … noting that he was about to “jump in the saddle.”
“We were not having sex,” Christy shrugged.
Dubbed “the Redskins’ own Barbie and Ken” by the Washington Post, a friend said of cool Cooley: “He comes across as a regular Joe {Theismann?} who does all this fun stuff and married the hottie. To a lot of guys, he’s hit the jackpot.”
But like a lot of guys, he came up craps … Oglevee divorced him after 4 years and “has reverted to her maiden name.”
At least she didn’t sue … unlike our second scandal squad, the Buffalo Jills—five of whom took the team to court for violating New York labor laws in April 2014. Blonde Lead plaintiff “Alyssa U., who does not wish to disclose her full surname {court papers reviewed by Sleuth reveal it is Urson} reportedly made only $420 for more than 800 hours of work,” the Daily Mail wrote, “while teammate Maria P. {Pinzone, foreground} earned just $105.”
Ironically, each had been voted a ‘Jill of the Week’ …
… during the previous season.
“People really thought we had it good, that we were paid well and had this luxurious lifestyle,” Alyssa U. told the N.Y. Times. “Seriously? I ended up feeling like a piece of meat.”
“They had a physique evaluation, which took place after cheerleader practice one week prior to the game.
“We had to stand in front of our coach, in our uniform, in rows of five, as she stood before us with a clipboard and had us face forward as she reviewed our bodies,” Alyssa winced. “We turned around, had her look at our backside, and then turn forward again and she had us do jumping jacks (below right) to see what parts of our bodies were jiggling. That’s where it got its name—the Jiggle Test” (below left).
Members of the squad who didn’t measure up in the test, were reportedly “ordered to visit a team sponsor who was a plastic surgeon and offered a small discount if they opted for breast augmentation.”
“We had to purchase Jills calendars from our coach,” Alyssa alleged. “Ten a month—which was $100 that we had to pay her and if we were unable to sell these calendars, then we lost out on that money.” Which is nothing compared to having to ‘shuffle off to Buffalo’ in a bikini for the winter shoot!
Yet the most degrading aspect of the job was the strict handbook which, the Daily Mail dryly observed, “reads like it’s from an Edwardian finishing school for girls, advises cheerleaders on how to wash their bodies—including their private parts—and what kind of tampons to use!”
Sleuth has compiled the most shockingly intimate guidelines below.
“Really?” hissed an unbending Urson. “Do they really think we don’tknow this stuff?”
At least the Jills’ rules discussed “changing undergarments” regularly … their AFC rival Cincinnati Bengals actually outlawed them!
“No panties are to be worn under practice clothes or uniform, not even thong panties,” the Ben-Gals guide informed the team’s cheerleaders (below left) … and clearly they paid more than lip service!
The NFC rivals in Minnesota and New Orleans appear to adhere to the same policy:
“No slouching breasts,” the Cincinnati cheerleading squad was further warned. “Support as needed. Black or nude seamless bra mandatory for games.”
Seams hard to believe in this day and age … so Sleuth got a copy of the actual Ben-Gals rules to con•firm it.
And while it looks like few of the Cincy women were suffering from ‘slouching breasts’ …
… they were also not ‘a Perfect 36’—as many of the 3 dozen didn’t get along.
The oldest member of the squad, Laura Vikmanis, revealed in her memoir It’s Not About the Pom-Poms …
… that “the most prominent division on the Ben-Gals is not between the young girls and older girls, but between the Real Boobs and the Fake Boobs. This is despite the fact that at any given time, a third of the Real Boobs are considering implants.”
Bengals head cheerleader Alexa Brenneman was considering a class action suit … which she filed in 2014 against the team for violating federal minimum wage laws—the squad received $2.50 an hour.
Unlike last year’s 6-9 Bengals, she won—receiving a $255,000 settlement for the squad … and is now sitting pretty.
On the other hand, be•league•ered NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell—who testified in court that he “had no knowledge” of the Jills’ Jiggle Test or the Ben-Gals’ No Panty Policy—was deflatedtwice more … when the Raiders and Bucs cheerleaders were awarded a combined $2 million in very similar suits for back pay.
But the two biggest scandals to hit the NFL didn’t involve what was being done to the cheerleaders … but rather what they were doing unto others. Or each other!
And the Ben-Gals brouhaha touched on much more than mere lack of panties—it ensnared parents, teachers and pupils!
Sarah Jones was the 26-year-old captain of the Cincinnati cheerleading squad … so popular her peers voted her to the Pro Bowl (below left)—with tears in her eyes she saluted the home crowd when the announcement was made (below right).
But less than three months later Jones was arrested and charged with having sex with a 17-year-old student she’d been teaching and tutoring at Kentucky’s Dixie Heights High School for three years!
“I saw him outside of class,” the Ben-Gal predator explained. “In school, I never saw him. He never thought of me as a teacher” {well, of English that is}.
Sure. Maybe it was just her multiple cheerleading posters that he ‘had’ in his bedroom.
“Police footage was released this week showing the sex shame cheerleader resolutely denying having anything to do with her teenage lover while being interrogated about the sexual relationship with the student,” the DailyMail reported in October 2012. ‘It came almost one year before she finally admitted in court that she did have an affair with him.”
Coming to court the day before her trial was to begin—with security spending an inordinate amount of time ‘wanding’ her chest …
… the defendant declared: “This relationship began in February of 2011. Our romantic relationship included voluminous phone calls and text messages to Cody York while he was a student {and which her school principal mother pled guilty to trying to have him delete}. I had sexual contact, including sexual intercourse, with Cody York in Kenton County, Kentucky while he was a student and I was a teacher.”
See coverage of her courtroom confession here:
“The truth will set you free,” Sarah said after the admission. “The stress fell off of me when I didn’t have to hide anymore.” Then they told NBC’s Dateline that she and the student were “in love”:
“He says to me, ‘Sarah, you look so beautiful in your mugshot’ (below left) and that’s how I know he really loves me.” Or really needs glasses …
“I did not lure Cody to have sex with me,” insisted the pom-pom pinup.
And the then-18 year old pupil concurred: “I wasn’t a victim of anything. She never did anything to me.” Well, other than the obvious!
But their love had to endure another hurdle when she sued The Dirty website over posts that appeared claiming, “She’s been spotted around town lately with the infamous Shayne Graham" {the kicker whose missed field goals perhaps cost them a playoff win and caused his release}—they sure look cozy, below right.
Followed by: “She also slept with every other Bengal Football player” and probably had two sexuallytransmitted diseases” {camped outside the locker room, below right}.
But she also ended up marrying her toyboy lover …
… and bore him a Bengal baby last year.
“So,” as TheSportster.com concluded of Mr. and Mrs. York, “this one has a happy ending.”
Unless you include this post from Sarah right after last November’s election: “I wasn’t able to vote this year, as I am on felony diversion for one more year. As a Christian, I think Donald Trump has the potential to do great things. His actions show that he is not racist, sexist or homophobic. That’s my president!”
Though it was “unpresidented” {as Trump actually spelled it} for what happened between two CarolinaPanthers boosters in the most shocking NFL cheerleading scandal ever!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “Two pro football lesbian cheerleaders walk into a bar …”
… and police have to be called to break up a bathroom brawl—prompted by Sapphic sex in a stall!
“What took place in the early hours of November 6th, 2005, you ask (as if you didn’t know already!!),” began a hastily headlined web page titled ‘A Dedication to Renee Thomas Angela Keathley’—bottom to top (but reversed in practice, as we’ll learn), above right.
“The place: Banana Joe’s—the ladies’ restroom, to be precise,” the page proceeds. “The time: 2:10 a.m. What’s so headline-grabbing about that? Well, it turns out they got shit-faced and, according to witnesses, decided to have lesbian sex in one of the washroom cubicles! So, gather around, boys and girls, and hear about our two pro•tagonists: Carolina Panthers cheerleaders Angela Ellen Keathley {the brunette} and Victoria Renee Thomas {that’s the ruff dive and the muff divers the morning after, below}.
“In the police report,” noted one widely circulated article on the incident, “multiple witnesses claimed Thomas and Keathley were having sex with each other in a locked stall, when other patrons grew angry that the two were taking so long” {more than 15 minutes}. Let’s let witness Amanda Miner fill in the delicious details:
The best being Officer Richard Harrell’s helpful explanation that, “‘Going Down’ is slang for oral sex.’”
“Women waiting to use the bathroom got into an argument with the two,” the press report went on, “and Thomas hit another person in line in the face.” Whose sworn statement to Det. Harrell was equally priceless:
“Melissa Kay Holden noticed that the activity in the stall appeared to be suspicious. She stated that it appeared as if the girls in the stall were engaged in sexual activity. Holden stated that defendant Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was above the stall. Holden further stated that defendant Thomas’ feet were facing inwards toward Keathley’s body. The eyewitness stated that Keathley was making facial expressions and [moaning] noises consistent with that of a person engaged in sexual activity.”
Evidently, 26-year-old Angela was the recipient … and 20-year-old Renee the blonde doing the “sipping.”
Even though it appears Keathley—nicknamed ‘The Sea Hag’ online while Thomas was referred to as ‘The Pretty One’—was more accustomed to being on her knees.
Eye witness Melissa was driven to her knees by Renee: “Holden stated that some of the patrons were yelling things such as, ‘Go get a room for that’ and calling them ‘Whores,’ and that when the girls exited the stall, one of the women in front of her called the defendants ‘bitches.’ Holden said … and then “the blonde hit me in the face.”
“I have a big black eye now and I have to go to work on Tuesday,” hissed Holden, a tough but tender nurse—who forcefully held Thomas against a wall until police arrived. And then sued her for assault.
“The whole time” that Holden was restraining Renee, “she’s screaming, ‘I’m a Panthers cheerleader. You need to let me go. I’m a Panthers cheerleader! I’m not going to get arrested for this,” she screamed, says Holden. “And I was like, ‘That’s good for you but you are going to jail.”
Especially since, “When Thomas was arrested, she gave police the name of another Panthers cheerleader—Kristen Lanier Owen, who just happened to look like Thomas (Kristen’s at right below), and was 22 {two years older than the brawling blonde}.
“Thomas, rather stupidly, even showed cops Owen’s driver’s license” … since 21 is the minimum legal drinking age in Florida. Thereby setting off an online chain of girl-girl threesome memes!
But doubting Thomas was not going down without a fight: “This was an unfortunate incident which has generated numerous rumors and inaccuratefacts,” her lawyer announced. “Miss Thomas denies all allegations of any sexual conduct.” {Which might give her ‘a puncher’s chance’ of beating the charges.}
In other words, deny the part they can’t prove—all appearances to the contrary: That’s Renee (at far left) ‘going commando’ with lookalike Kristen and otherTopCats {the Panthers’ squad nickname} … while Angie forms a Sapphic sandwich with Owen and a finger-licking brunette.
Which brings to mind this sarcastic comment from the Hater Nation blog: “Thomas, along with tag-team partner Keathley, were immediately released as Panthers cheerleaders. Evidently, the NFL and its teams are strictly against cheerleaders showcasing their sexuality. But be sure to pick up one of the numerous team cheerleaders calendars at NFLshops.com. You can look, but you obviously cannot touch. Hey, maybe the NFL stands for the No Fingering League.”
“Naturally,” Hater Nation noted, “the duo had their team bios instantly taken down from the TopCats website”—but not before Sleuth was able to save them for pussterity.
Note the quote that Keathley wrote was her favorite: “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.” Hopefully she at least let Renee come up for air.
And Thomas, for her part, felt the ‘Most Important Thing in Life’ was to “Live every moment to the fullest and love like you’ll never be hurt.” Unless some chick waiting to use the loo gets a little uppity …
Am I Annoying.com gave Renee points for aspiring to become “an oral surgeon” and said “this was a beercommercial come to life—inebriated lesbian cheerleader cat fight.”
Which inevitably led to some Internet wise guy altering Angela’s Panther profile to say her favorite part about being a TopCat was, “Being the bottom girl on the pyramid during practice!” and how she “voted for Bush” (below left) …
… while another suggested Thomas hire Animal House mouthpiece Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton {Tim Matheson, above right} to defend her in court:
“The question here today is not whether Renee punched a bathroom patron or took a few liberties with her female party friends. She did.”
“But you cannot let a few bad cheerleaders ruin it for the rest of the sexually explicit ones who make extra cash by selling cheesecake swimsuit calendars. For if Renee is guilty, isn’t the whole cheerleading profession to blame? And since cheerleading is so woven into the fabric of our society, isn’t this really an indictment of our American culture in general? Well, you can tear down America all you want, but I am not going to sit here while you badmouth lesbian cheerleaders trying to get it on in public. Gentlemen, who is with me?”
Cue the National Anthem …
In keeping with our proud traditions, both cheerleaders got off {as opposed to just Angela in the stall}.
And perhaps inspired, their beloved Panthers put a smackdown on the Bucs, 34-14 just ten hours after the arrest.
After turning down an offer to pose nude for Penthouse, the two TopCats seemed to vanish from view. “And where are they now?” asked a British blog on the 10th anniversary of their lesbian liaison. “One cannot help but wonder. After having become an overnight international news item, they have dropped from sight, off the radar. Is Angela still a nurse? Did Renee achieve her ambition to get that doctorate in dental surgery? Perhaps, if one is prepared to dig deeply enough, these questions may yet be answered.”
That one is Sleuth … and he can report that after continuing to canoodle with blondes (below left), Angela—unbeknownst to Disney, was featured on an gay rights travel brochure for Orlando!
But since then she’s gone from tuna to banana {below left—yes, still a registered nurse} and married a man! {Josua Corcoran on 11/11/11}.
TopCat Thomas also ‘switched teams’—marrying Adam Mills in July 2013 and giving birth to their daughter in September 2014.
But the “oral” surgeon part didn’t come to pass … Sleuth found Renee Mills is currently a health advisor at OneDigital.
As a postscript to the Panther ‘pride’ pair•raid, three weeks to the day after the bathroom bust, “Tampa Police Department officers arrested 10 people outside Raymond James Stadium, accusing them of operating a mobile strip club in the parking lot during the Bucs vs. Bears football game. Police found several dancers inside the 40-foot-long motor home,” read one account.
“It is not known if it was Renee Thomas (the hot one) and Angela Keathley working together to pay some legal bills in Tampa," they added.
“Six women performed lap dances inside the parked party bus (below left), charging $20 to $40 apiece, depending on whether they danced topless or totally nude. Police said that Katrena Su-Ing Wolf, 27, of Pinellas Park and Colleen Randi McBride, 23, of Tampa also had oral sex with each other as part of the show.
“They were charged with one misdemeanor count each of performing an unnatural and lascivious act.”
Warned Tampa police Sgt. Bill Todd: “More charges could be coming. This isn’t over yet.”
It is for us … surely this Tampa tail•gate party bus provides the ultimate END for this part of our Cheerleaders thrillogy!
